Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Its Almost Christmas!!

Tommorrow is Christmas Eve......So hard to believe!!! Each year I always comment how fast it came upon us know matter how hard I try to be prepared, no matter how many good intentions I have to do somthing kind for someone else, it seems as though there never is enough time. This year is not the exception, once again I find myself if the scramble that Christmas is just 2 days away.
This year it holds such a special meaning to me personally. Last year I had a new baby, a grandaughter on the way and My husband was in the hospital the week before Christmas, and I still had a job that demanded 30-40hrs a week, on top of my everyday duties of taking care of the house and bringing the kids to their many activites, Drs. Apts ( wonderful flu season) , Church and teaching my CCD class.......It was beyond physically and emotionally draining for me, I tried my best to hold it together as to be the "glue" of the family , for if I fell apart I did not want the family to fall apart, I still to this day do not know HOW I made it through that time, But I did. I must say that experiance was a test on my faith and when a few months went by of Alan not getting better ( working 80+ hrs a week truley did not help) and was told he had Lymphoma Again...my faith was tested. Its the thing everyone fears....the words you dont want to hear.....I felt like I was physically alive but I was emotionally dead!!! I dont even remember some days as the stress was insurmountable.....The pain of my children without their father was more than I could bear. I lost 38 lbs and finally got meds to help get my "brain" back on track.
We dealt with specialist's , tests, u/s , ect for over a month when they told us that all the things he was dealing with was a result of him having MRSA and not lymphoma. He does have a Very strong history of cancer in his family and to this day I still dont feel 100% "out of the woods" but at least now he is being monitored frequently ( up until this he never went to the Dr....even with the History of cancer)
I try to remind myself daily that even though I deal with so much emotionally & physically ...I Still have a great life and God is good. I believe what he brings to me I will get through it. I'am beyond blessed to have a good hard working husband, & beautiful babies which I PRAYED daily after having the challenges of concieving them, clothes, food and a Home to raise our family. I dont dwell or complain to often to others, I do admit I can get envious of what others have ....not in a material sense, but in the family sense .....All that I do ....I do it on my own....I dont have help , My husband works very long hours , I dont have grandparents , aunts or uncles who take my kids to enjoy them.....who spend that quality time....that soley rests upon my husband and I. I'am proud to say I have done this on my own....and I now live by many mottos. my favorite is
"Generosity is giving more than you can.......Pride is taking less than you need" so this Christmas I 'am truley Thankfu for what I have been blessed with and not what I dont have......I will do my best to give all that I can to my family , friends & community. I will teach my children its not about the wants but the needs.
I hope Everyone has a Truley Blessed Christmas.....Be thankful for each and every day that you wake up to....never miss the oppertunity to cherish what we have been given.

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